Another context-less conversation

  • “How you ladies doin’ tonight?”
  • “Oh we’re good how about yourself?”
  • “Good, great. I’m on vacation right now”.
  • “That’s cool, where are you from?”
  • “Oh I’m from here. But I’ve been in Cape Town for awhile. I’m just back on vacation”.
  • “Where’s that?”
  • “Cape Town? Africa. Real fucking fun trip, but there were a lot of deadly animals there”.
  • “Like what kinds?”
  • “Believe it or not, but zebras kill lots of people. And hippopotamus”.
  • “Wow you were close to hippos?”
  • “No, nah… but they live down there. You have to watch your ass for them”.
  • “What about insects? Aren’t there like, deadly spiders in Africa?”
  • “Yeah but you know where the most dangerous spiders live?”
  • “No where?”
  • “Australia”.
  • “Oh yeah, I’ve heard that”.
  • “Brown recluse”.
  • “The what?”
  • “Brown recluse spider. It bites you and you’re dead in five minutes. Seen it happen”.
  • “Wow, that’s scary…”
  • “Lots of scary things in Australia, bugs… spiders… all sorts of thing that will kill you dead”.
  • “What do you do if you see one of those things?”
  • “Step on it”.
  • “So… you’ve been all over, huh?”
  • “Yeah, Cape Town. Florida. Grand Rapids, Michigan…”
  • “But you have an accent, where is the accent from?”
  • “You want to know where I got my accent from?”
  • “Yeah”
  • “South Seattle, grew up here. Born in 1963, motherfucker what”
  • “That’s cool, I’ve lived here my whole life, I used to work for Seattle Parks and Recreation. That’s why I asked about the spiders, because I’ve seen some weird bugs in the parks before and it turns out some of them are poisonous”.
  • “Yup, raised up here, born in 1961. Course, I was in the hole for 18 years, what”.
  • “Oh… you were? You’ve lived quite the interesting life”.
  • “Strangled that motherfucker dead”.
  • “…Oh”.
  • “I’m so trashed right now”.
  • “Okay well this is our stop, hopefully things work out for you”.
  • “Shit I’m trashed. It’s 9 o'clock? I gotta go home and go to bed. I’m on vacation”.

Actual, verbatim conversation I heard in the light rail today

  • “This is where the Seahawks play, right?”
  • “Mmm.”
  • “I can’t believe they play right here. I’m so happy we came here, aren’t you glad we came here and not that place you wanted to go?”
  • “Sure.”
  • “It’s so amazing, the Seahawks playing right here. We could have gone anywhere else and not been near where the Seahawks play, you know?”
  • “…”
  • “Coming here was the best idea ever. Of all time!”
  • “…”
  • “It’s good we didnt get off at that one stop, it looked pretty filthy there. I dont think it was very safe”.
  • “Probably not”
  • “…Why are we stopped?”
  • “This is one of the stops”.
  • “It’s not our stop though, right? This isn’t where we go to see the Seahawks”.
  • “Right”.
  • “It’s still not moving”.
  • “I know”.
  • “Why isn’t this train moving?”
  • “I dont know”.
  • “…Come on, train. Come on train, let’s go!”
  • “…”
  • “…Giddyup train! Come on giddyup!”
  • “Heh”
  • “It worked! Ha ha ha, good thing I’m here, huh baby?”
  • “Yup”.
  • She grabs his hand and firmly plants it in her lap.
  • “You’re mine forever now. I have the paper to prove it”.
  • “…”
  • “…Are you being a bad dog?”
  • “…”
  • “Joshua. Joshua, do I need to slap you?”


really sick of seeing so much hate directed towards the police on here. look, we get it, you prefer sting’s solo work, i like it too alright? that doesnt mean ‘every little thing she does is magic’ and ‘can’t stand losing you’ arent awesome jams. ‘roxanne’ and ‘don’t stand so close to me’ are classic, don’t even get me started on ‘spirits in the material world’. just stop ok? 

My three hour Art Appreciation class turned out to be one hour

The lady has a Masters in Metalsmithing, and she said: “look, I get up at 6am in the morning, I have no desire to be here until 9:45p, so get here on time we’ll start the class as soon as possible and hopefully none of us ever have to stay that late”.

She showed us 3 clips from some 60 Minutes segments from way back in the 90’s (she had recorded them on VHS, so they were appropriately fuzzy with tracking issues. Very nostalgic). 

One was about Jeff Koonz who was pretty big back in the day, mostly creating shitty modern art sculptures like a vacuum cleaner inside a glass case and three urinals lined up in a row. But of course everything was about rebirth and death and afterbirth and utopia and dystopias and ohhhh god stop. Look, there’s some amazing contemporary art out there but this kind of jerkoff modern roadside attraction bullshit kinda disgusts me. You can derive special meaning from anything, but there really is just no way to look at three basketballs submerged in a fishtank and attach some deep, existential tripe to it. I honestly believe some things in life are just objectively bad and if you like it, you’re wrong. You still retain the right to like it, but just do it knowing you have horrible taste by most standards. And if you pay money for that kind of trash, you’re worse than the artist. (Can you imagine there’s some lady with just three porcelain urinals affixed to her living room wall. Imagine you go to somebody’s house and see that. I dont give a shit about the statement it makes, that’s where urine goes).

So the next video is about this elderly couple, the Vogels. They (at the time, at least), had the most valuable art collection in the world, worth several million dollars, and they never sold a single piece of art. They lived in a two bedroom apartment in New York their whole marriage, and when they ran out of room for art, they donated their old pieces to a local museum. Donated! Now, some of pieces they had were more modern art garbage, like their favorite piece, a five inch frayed piece of rope tacked onto their wall. When the interviewer asked what it signified to them, the woman answered: “It doesnt have to mean anything, we just like it”. Okay! That attitude I can get on board with. Just admit you like something, don’t try to spin it as some kind of perverse justification for your obscene purchase. You wanted it, fine! That simple explanation and the fact that they donated all their art, while continuing to explore and find new art (that again, would just eventually be donated to a museum), made them fairly stand up people in my mind, just with some questionable tastes.

The third video: Thomas Kinkade. Oh jesus. What can be said about Kinkade that hasn’t already been repeated a hundred times before? The guy was running a racket, basically. He was the Billy Mays of his time. Just a master salesman exploiting a pre-calculated target audience, mixed in with a televangelist furor. He was a brand. He was bad corporate art. He was soulless, toothless, gutless, spineless, but his greatest lack was scruples. This guy sold prints of his work for a considerable amount, but then he’d go back and add highlights to the saccharine sweet cottages and it would then sell for $50,000. And most of the time it wasnt even him doing the highlights, it was his assistants! Ugh.

When we were done, the professor said: “I absolutely despise Koonz and Kinkade. I think Kinkade belongs on a puzzle box and nothing else”. I think I’m going to like this class.

Anyways, it was great that we got out so early because I leave for Seattle in a few hours. Bye!


Sohn - “Lessons”

Of lessons learned, of lessons learned
Of bridges burned, of bridges burned
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’d like to need you less

I’m struggling, I’m struggling
I’ve given in, I’ve given in
This time I’ll keep an overview
This time I’ll keep away from you
This time I’ll keep away from you

Of lessons learned, of lessons learned
Of bridges burned, of bridges burned
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’d like to need you less

I’m struggling, I’m struggling
I’ve given in, I’ve given in
This time I’ll keep an overview
This time I’ll keep away from you
This time I’ll keep away from you