Realized I was dicking around too much and finally submitted by Cicada story to an online magazine

Prettied it up, fluffed its bonnet, and gave it a “go get ‘em, tiger”, and when I hit submit:

“Due to a high volume of submissions recently, it may be 6 - 8 months before we respond”

:::head pound:::




jewlesthemagnificent:

You know what is really exciting? Saying exactly what I mean to say: to someone, about someone, about something. No sugar coating. No concern about the response. Just kind of loosen up my Bitching Arm and throw a no-hitter in Nofucksville Stadium. Drop my symbolic microphone. Slap my dick on your forehead. Moonwalk away. Into a dazzling sunset. Wearing an awesome push-up bra with a tight ass eyebrow game. In the distance I can hear the crowd saying either “we want more” or “you’re a whore”, and I genuinely don’t care either way.




gnumblr asked:
IAN IAN. MY DAD GREW UP IN EAGLE RIVER

I hope he didnt live in the Silent Hill house! Really though, it’s a beautiful place, I know a lot of people who live there.

FUN FACT: If Eagle River were its own town instead of being part of the Anchorage municipality (which honestly doesnt make sense, because it’s about a half hour drive from Anchorage, but when less than one million people live in a state roughly 2/3rds the size of the continental US, then if it’s not over a fuggin mountain, you’re in the same town), it would be in the top 5 most populated cities in Alaska.

DOUBLE FUN FACT: “Everything is bigger in Texas”, ha except for your actual state, which is the second biggest after Alaska.

BETTER FACT: If you cut Alaska into four equal sized states, then Texas would be the 5th biggest state.

I tell that last one to anyone visiting the shop from Texas and they hate me for it.




jewlesthemagnificent:

lonelyheartsdeathmetal:

dan632:

lonelyheartsdeathmetal:

Here’s some pictures I took around town recently, including a little sojourn to Eagle River yesterday where I got the Silent Hill-looking pics. It’s not actually a town in a nether-realm, dont worry! But it certainly looked like it.

As you can see most of the snow has melted down on ground level; the other day it was 60 degrees in Anchorage so I think this long, protracted, neverending winter has in fact, ended. 

Sorry they’re all Instagrammy. But hey if you like that sort of thing, follow me over over there.

Ian Brooks is a wonderful tumblrer, in all his forms.

He also has a beard which Zeus is jealous of

You list one of your interests as “Henry Rollins” so I know your opinion can be trusted!

True fact: Ian Brooks is my SECOND favorite Ian. My first favorite one has sex with me, frequently and with enthusiasm, so Mr. Brooks will unfortunately never be able to top that, but he has a good firm grip on second place, and is also my first place Alaskan and was also like the 5th or 6th person I followed on Tumblr back in 2007 or so. I think I even followed him BEFORE the demise of Tumblarity, if I’m remembering quickly. I’d say he’s my first favorite person with the last name Brooks but my status as “Kinda Almost Convert to Judaism Who Only Goes to Shul for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Weddings or Funerals” requires me to say Mel Brooks is my favorite Brooks. Although his real last name is Kaminsky so you know what, Ian Brooks wins that category after all.

Guys, follow my friend Jewles because she’s totally down with the Ian cause. And also she’s one of the funniest people on tumblr







triboluminiscencia replied to your post: Sidenote: It snowed three days after I wrote that post

how fun, I envy you

No.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

Nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononno.

You will not like snow anymore after you’ve lived through a) last year with the highest amount of snowfall ever recorded in Anchorage and 2.) this year with a winter that lasted from October to FUCKING MAY. 

I’ve actually been jealous of the heatwaves everyone else seems to have because I want to know warmth too.




Sidenote: It snowed three days after I wrote that post




dan632:

lonelyheartsdeathmetal:

Here’s some pictures I took around town recently, including a little sojourn to Eagle River yesterday where I got the Silent Hill-looking pics. It’s not actually a town in a nether-realm, dont worry! But it certainly looked like it.

As you can see most of the snow has melted down on ground level; the other day it was 60 degrees in Anchorage so I think this long, protracted, neverending winter has in fact, ended. 

Sorry they’re all Instagrammy. But hey if you like that sort of thing, follow me over over there.

Ian Brooks is a wonderful tumblrer, in all his forms.

He also has a beard which Zeus is jealous of

You list one of your interests as “Henry Rollins” so I know your opinion can be trusted!




vaspim:

hiptoyourjive:

vaspim:

Ricky Gervais is about as obnoxious as his laugh. 1 who the fuck are you to speak against not only Rihanna and Katy Perry but fuckin’ Beyonce? Nah bruh, you went too far with this one. 2 This tweet is especially bad because not only does it shun others for not donating, but it subtly mentions that he donated. How smug can u fuckin get & 3 HAHA - WE GET IT, UR AN ATHEIST…. *quiet kid in class that never speaks voice* Ssssshut thaaaa fuuuckk upppp

no that’s cool bc prayers don’t buy food or blankets and also that’s shitty bc I doubt all of the victims believe in god. Way to alienate them and remind them that we live in a christian society

Saying “Ill pray for you” is pretty much the equivalent of saying “good luck” - u don’t have to believe in God or luck to accept the fact that whoever said it to you meant no harm. And that’s assuming whoever said “You’re in my prayers” isn’t also doing what they can to help those in need. Churches are known for doing that in these times of crisis, but how convenient for people to forget that. It doesn’t alienate people, are you really going to feel alienated if someone told you “I’ll pray for you”? I mean really… do you reject US currency cos it says “In God we trust”? Like cmon lol

Someone saying: “I’ll pray for you” is suggesting you *need* their passive attempt at making it look like they’re helping. It’s condescending and more pertinently, totally worthless. 

Also, by your own admission, even if they’re saying “good luck” and there’s no religious connotation attached, imagine saying “hey buddy, you can do it” to somebody trapped under the broken remains of their house instead of, you know like helping them out?

Now, the fact is, we dont know if Beyonce and Rihanna donated money as well, but if the extent of your assistance is hashtag IMAPRAY4U, then seriously, you are a loose, gaping asshole.

(Source: websmith)




clearlywrong:

beware

You will die screaming.

clearlywrong:

beware

You will die screaming.




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